Talking about music is like dancing of architecture (Frank Zappa).
You can write about it, dream about it, think about it, but you will never understand how it is walking the Camino until you do it. Because you cannot speak of a guitar if you don’t play it. You don’t learn how to dance just by reading a book about it. And you don’t know how to write a summon just watching some TV series.
But there’s something more than that. And it’s the fact that even if you do it once, you lose that feeling quite soon, and you’re back to the starting point. I walked these steps just one year ago, and when I began for the second time it sounded like the first one. With all its cons.
When I reflected about that, I realized that after my first arrival to Santiago I cut away a lot of the negative stuff. The pain, the rage, the fear of not doing it, the various forms of paranoia. I deliberately forgot that those feelings were a core part of my path.
The happiness of a positive conclusion cancels all the disadvantages, like when you are graduating from university and you laugh about the sleepless nights and the hard work of the graduate years. This, however, does not mean that they did not existed. Or that the struggles you suffered were not real. It means that you deliberately decided not to remember them.
Maybe we are the only ones responsible for choosing what to leave and what to bring in the future. In that case, I already did my choice once. And I’ll do it again soon...